The right to self-determination is essential yet moldable. Whereas international law intended this principle to dismantle empires and free colonized populations, revisionist powers employ it to expand their domains. But these powers’ justifications, ranging from "ethnic reunification" to “economic security,” have thus far proven difficult to counter because they exploit inherent ambiguities in self-determination and international law. This Article interrogates this phenomenon through a comparative framework, tracing the abuse of self-determination from Nazi Germany’s past expansionism through Russia’s present invasion of Ukraine to the United States’ emerging ambitions regarding Greenland and Canada. This Article argues that protecting sovereign integrity requires structural reforms, clearer legal definitions, and transparent adjudicative bodies. Ultimately, this analysis seeks to advance a legal order where the international community can hold up self-determination as one of its highest ideals and cut out its misuse.